Published Friday, April 14, 2006 by Matt Armendariz | E-mail this post
It came to my attention as I stood in my kitchen eating an overripe avocado sprinkled with sea salt that surely anyone who caught a glimpse of how barbaric and savage I was acting would surely run away in terror. I mean, I was in my element, I was alone, with nothing more than green debris on my face and a spoon firmly planted in my hand. I'd never show the world how fast I could actually eat an avocado, and I certainly would never admit that had there been two or three I'd have eaten them, too. But I didn't have to worry about that. I was alone, in the privacy of my kitchen, able to let manners and etiquette temporarily disappear.
I was a pig.
Someone once said "We all have something we like to eat in secret." Or something like that. And the more I think about it, I believe that we do all have things we enjoy eating in secret. For whatever reason. Maybe it's an appalling quantity of something we'd never want anyone to see. Maybe it's the most bizarre combination of ingredients. Perhaps it's something so bad-for-you, so trashy, that we dare not give up our food snobbery public image.
To my sisters and female companions that quietly indulge in copious sugar and salt during special times, I salute you.
To my friend who mixes sugar, avocado and sour cream in a dixie cup and eats it when nobody's watching, my hat's off to you.
To my colleage who will eat 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream in one sitting and then claim his lactose intolerance doesn't allow ice cream, I'm down.
To a certain relative that wraps whatever she can get her hands on in a tortilla and devours it, I love you, Mom. (ooops! no names, matt, no names!)
So my dear friends, I ask you: What do you like to eat in secret? I'd love to know. Come on, open up. Oh, and feel free to comment anonymously, lest anyone thinks you are a glutton like me.